DO YOU STRUGGLE TO ACCEPT OTHER PEOPLE’S IDEAS?
“People’s opinions matter to them” – Tony Robbins
Last week, I spoke with my mom in a rude way. I was defensive, accusatory, and questioned what she was saying with the purpose of undermining her points.
She was hoping to organize a social gathering this week on short notice, and I realize now that the reasons I was getting upset had little to do with her intention of doing so.
I was bringing in the past.
I was an only child for the first ten years of my life, and grew up with hard working parents who moved to Canada and worked their butts off to make it in this country. They weren’t around much while I was growing up because they were working so often, so sometimes part of me still blames them for that, and longs for their attention. Instead of acknowledging that I wanted to spend time with them, I allowed myself to have a child-like reaction and resist what my mom wanted because it was taking her away from time with me.
I was not acknowledging my real need.
I have been doing a lot of great things lately for myself and for others. I have been doing a daily morning meditation, making fresh juice, journaling regularly, and reading before I go to bed. I have been hosting the 30 Days of Connection challenge, presenting speeches, writing blog posts, and hosting a weekly video show.
But despite all of this, I feel lonely at times. I see people every day, but feel that I don’t have that many people I can really connect with. After reflecting on it, I’ve realized that I have to do something to meet this need, instead of letting it create imbalance within and dissatisfaction which I then direct on to loved ones and my mom. What I really needed was to reach out to some close friends and make plans to see them.
I wasn’t accepting what she said.
As I learned in my recent video show with Paulina Cameron on “How To Have Conversations To Connect With Others” , really accepting someone’s idea means first saying “YES” to it, fully receiving it, and not judging it right away or with an impulsive response. It means letting it sink in, before you interpret it and think of what to say next.
It also means trying not to shut it down by pointing out flaws, or saying what isn’t right with it. When someone has an idea they are excited about, they are invested in it, so why not just go with their idea by saying “YES, AND”, and building on it.
I’ve learned that what is “right” and matters for me, is not the same for others. So I’ve been practicing really accepting what is given to me, receiving it through the lens of the intentions of the person sharing it by asking them what that is, and trying to add to and support it however I can.
We all want to be loved, noticed, heard, and accepted. This is how I want my mom to feel too. These are just a few of my reflections on my conversation with my mom that I noticed within myself that made me realize I wasn’t accepting her ideas fully and wasn’t present as present in the conversation as I could have been.
What aspects of having conversations with others do you struggle with? What reflections have you had about yourself lately related to conversations with others?